The Art of the Anti Valentine

10 Anti Valentines You Need This Year

Every year, these Valentine’s Day cards get a little more diverse and a little more complicated. Yes, lots of funny kinds of love out there. But it’s also important to have a few cards for our dear single friends on this tortuous day. And then there are those of you who hate buying Valentine’s Day cards and kinda want this holiday to go away forever. But alas. This year, I had a lot of fun designing these. My designing happens around Christmastime, which is a little weird due to most stores needing them quickly after the Christmas rush ends. Also, there are a whole lot of you who like to get a jump on your Valentine shopping.

As you may have noticed, there is a lot more illustration and lettering going on in the cards lately. This is because I’ve always looked to make the cards brighter and even more fun. It’s been a goal of mine to stop relying on fonts and move to everything being hand-lettered. So after dusting off the old calligraphy skills, I’ve gotten back into something I’ve long forgotten – the art of the letter. Typography is something I’m obsessed with. I hope you enjoy the completely unique new version of the same hilariously snarky cards you’ve grown to love (and hate, right?)

If you hate Valentine’s Day, another route to happiness is checking out the new section in the shop. I’ve been working hard at putting a bunch of new ideas to the test, and I hope you enjoy them! Click here for the NEW card section.

 

1. Taking a Nap

Take a Nap

The best way to celebrate Valentine’s Day is by doing something you do best. Sleep.

 

2. You’re SINGLE?

You're Single?

You don’t have to broadcast it.

3. Be Wine

Be Wine

Only if you’re wine. My true love is wine.

4. F*ck Valentine’s Day.

F*ck Valentine's Day

Every day. No specific day.

5. Everyone’s To Do List

To Do List

Fine. Fine. I’ll buy a card.

6. I Ate the Little Birdie

Little Birdie

Little birdies are so annoying.

7. Realistic Candy Hearts

Candy Hearts

Candy Hearts that tell it like it really is.

8. Even Bitches Like Me

Bitches Like Me

Yes, it’s true. We’ll be nice one day a year.

9. How to Survive Valentine’s Day

There are no other options

I don’t know about you, but this is what I’ll be doing this Valentine’s Day.

10. More Like Fartbreaker

Fart Breaker

Listen, we all know the “heartbreaker” phase was a looong time ago.

 

Head on over to Colette Paperie for all of your Non-Valentine needs.

LIMITED TIME: Use code VALENTINES for 30% off your entire order!

Valentine’s Day is coming. Get on top of your heart game.

Welcome to Winter. At least there is LOVE!

Every year, these Valentine’s Day cards get a little more diverse and a little more complicated. Yes, lots of funny kinds of love out there. But it’s also important to have a few cards for our dear single friends on this tortuous day. And then there are those of you who hate buying Valentine’s Day cards and kinda want this holiday to go away forever. But alas. This year, I had a lot of fun designing these. My designing happens around Christmastime, which is a little weird due to most stores needing them quickly after the Christmas rush ends. Also, there are a whole lot of you who like to get a jump on your Valentine shopping.

As you may have noticed, there is a lot more illustration and lettering going on in the cards lately. This is because I’ve always looked to make the cards brighter and even more fun. It’s been a goal of mine to stop relying on fonts and move to everything being hand-lettered. So after dusting off the old calligraphy skills, I’ve gotten back into something I’ve long forgotten – the art of the letter. Typography is something I’m obsessed with. I hope you enjoy the completely unique new version of the same hilariously snarky cards you’ve grown to love (and hate, right?)

If you hate Valentine’s Day, another route to happiness is checking out the new section in the shop. I’ve been working hard at putting a bunch of new ideas to the test, and I hope you enjoy them! Click here for the NEW card section.

Finally, don’t forget to grab yourself a 2017 calendar – one for pet lovers, new mamas, and snarky sisters and bad bitches.

 

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There you have it. Click here for all of the new designs!

Store Redesign

Hi friends!

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Well, you haven’t seen me in a while. I’ve been working hard re-doing every single design in the online shop. Sounds crazy, right? Well, it was. I have always been interested in lettering and calligraphy, and  it’s been a longtime goal of mine to make Colette Paperie 100% hand-drawn. So I finally did it! There are officially no fonts being used on any card in the shop. The cards have been re-designed but they are using mostly the same colors, envelopes, and the message is still snarky & weird.

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In other news, holiday cards & calendars are up! Holiday cards can be mixed & matched at 6 cards for $12. Calendars are also on sale for a limited time! There’s a calendar for everyone on your list – pet lovers, new moms, and all of your snarky friends & co-workers. Check them all out here.

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Hope you are having a great fall season!

Keli

mother’s day is coming!

Don’t let Mother’s Day sneak up on you this year! It’s Sunday, May 8th and I’m going to put my full trust in you that you won’t resort to the big box stores for your greeting card needs. It’s not worth it. We’ve got cards for your mom friends, stepmoms, non-moms and all matters of regular moms. Need something even more specific? Let us know!

Lately, whenever a new holiday comes up, I’ve been trying to learn something about that holiday. Because as it turns out, a greeting card maker should really know more about holidays than the average person. Which if you’re me, is nothing. Turns out, it has some sad roots. It was founded for mourning women to remember fallen soldiers.  And when the holiday went commercial, its greatest champion, Anna Jarvis, gave everything to fight it, dying penniless and broken in a sanitarium. Pretty nuts, huh? Well, I think perhaps Moms should still be celebrated, so let’s go ahead and be glad things turned out the way they did, with over 122 million phone calls made to moms just in the United States on Mother’s Day.

So there’s your lesson of the day. Enjoy!

Check out all the new cards here, and use the code NEWNESS for free shipping on your order!

 

 

Pretty Awesome Stepmom

Pretty Awesome Stepmom

 

Pretty Damn Awesome

Pretty Damn Awesome

 

Thanks for the Potty Training

Thanks for the Potty Training – a useful skill!

 

Of All My Friends...

Of All My Friends… don’t tell.

 

Favorite Kid

Favorite Kid – let’s not tell anyone else.

 

Favorite Mom

Favorite Mom in all the moms, ever.

 

Pretty Lucky to Have Me

Pretty Lucky to Have Me – obviously!

 

Really Crazy

Really Crazy – or is she still?

 

Mother's Day card

Wasn’t the Easiest Child (You know who you are.)

 

Mother's Day card

Best Thing Out of an Egg – Mom not much for cooking? This one’s for you!

 

— Your pals at Colette Paperie

Lots of new cards…

So… You guys really bought a ton of Valentines this year! I kinda, maybe, sorta thought I would never get them out on time. Then a bunch of you still bought them after the 14th. So, I guess it didn’t matter. Bunch of nutty customers, I’m telling you.

On to Mother’s Day! Yes, those cards are up as well, but in the meantime, here are some highly suggested cards from all of you! Have any more ideas for cards? You can always drop me a line and I’ll see what I can conjure up.

Brand new card from Colette Paperie

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I’ve been wanting to make this one for a while now, sure to be a good crowd-pleaser. In case the Flamingo card offends you (boring-ass pigeon.) This option is a little tamer. And cuter.

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We’ve been plowing through our Girls Scout cookies here at Casa Colette Paperie. Seriously. The cookie monster in us is so real. Second order coming soon, little gals.

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Obviously. Because beer.

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I think we all have a friend like this, yes?

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This is a follow-up card to the “man-bun” card – as it was practically begged for in Facebook comments. Okay, okay. I’m not into beards. But here you go. Silly customers.

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Yeah, I don’t even know. You be the judge of this one.

Check out all of the new cards here on the Colette Paperie shop page. Enjoy!

Valentines are here!

Don’t fall victim to the big box stores for your Valentine’s Day card needs. You’re ahead of the game this year. You won’t wait until the last minute. You’re better than this!

Valentine’s Day is of course a big day for card sellers, so this year I’ve decided to create cards for not just your significant others. I don’t think you’ll be disappointed.

A few of my favorites so far – with the full collection being located here.

A little interesting history on Valentine’s Day:

Pope Gelasius declared February 14 St. Valentine’s Day at the end of the 5th century. It was not until much later, however, that the day became definitively associated with love. During the Middle Ages, it was commonly believed in France and England that February 14 was the beginning of birds’ mating season, which added to the idea that the middle of Valentine’s Day should be a day for romance.

Valentine greetings were popular as far back as the Middle Ages, though written Valentine’s didn’t begin to appear until after 1400. The oldest known valentine still in existence today was a poem written in 1415 by Charles, Duke of Orleans, to his wife while he was imprisoned in the Tower of London following his capture at the Battle of Agincourt. (The greeting is now part of the manuscript collection of the British Library in London, England.) Several years later, it is believed that King Henry V hired a writer named John Lydgate to compose a valentine note to Catherine of Valois.

By the middle of the 18th century, it was common for friends and lovers of all social classes to exchange small tokens of affection or handwritten notes, and by 1900 printed cards began to replace written letters due to improvements in printing technology. Ready-made cards were an easy way for people to express their emotions in a time when direct expression of one’s feelings was discouraged. Cheaper postage rates also contributed to an increase in the popularity of sending Valentine’s Day greetings.

Americans probably began exchanging hand-made valentines in the early 1700s. In the 1840s, Esther A. Howland began selling the first mass-produced valentines in America. Howland, known as the “Mother of the Valentine,” made elaborate creations with real lace, ribbons and colorful pictures known as “scrap.” Today, according to the Greeting Card Association, an estimated 1 billion Valentine’s Day cards are sent each year, making Valentine’s Day the second largest card-sending holiday of the year. 85% are purchased by women!

 

Valentine's Day Card

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Have a great day!

how to survive

How to survive this time of year without painkillers or booze, or even pumpkin spice lattes


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Reserve 5 minutes in parking lots to be a teenager again.
Play an insipid game on your phone and listen to music really loud and just escape. Yes, your mom-mobile will have bass pumping in the Target parking lot, but do it anyway. You need it, those 5 minutes might be the best escape of your day.

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Get in that bathtub and lock the bathroom door behind you.
A bubble bath isn’t necessary, but you definitely need to lock yourself in the bathroom once in a while. Tell everyone else you’re pooping if you have to. Sit on the floor and rub up those legs with some fruity lotion. Or if you’re feeling super fancy, get in the bathtub, light a candle you have lying around, and even turn on some music. Yes, you can have wine too – but that goes against the whole idea of this list. I know you wine freaks out there are gonna have wine whenever the hell you want anyway, so who cares what I say, right?

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Listen to your tunes really loud in the car. Find new music often.
The car is your refuge, isn’t it? May I make a few suggestions?
Broods – Bridges
Purity Ring – Push Pull
X Ambassadors – Renegades
James Blake – Retrograde
GEMS – Pegasus
Foals – Mountain at My Gates
Aaron Krause – Recreational
Banks – Drowning
Kite String Tangle – Arcadia

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Even your longest-lasting friendships may not be giving you what you need.
What is important is the “now” and what you can do to keep the people around you that are completely supportive of every choice you make. Even if you decide to stop brushing your teeth for 6 months, the friends you want around you are the ones that can stand to keep talking to you during this difficult time of terrible breath. The friend that can support you the most right now might be one you just met. Focus on those who keep your spirit lifted and your head held high with positive energy.

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But get back in touch with some old friends this holiday season.
As the old saying goes, you have to send mail to get mail in return.

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Know that you are not locked into the tiny box it feels like you are.
Careers & networking & all that other bullcrap can feel pretty suffocating, yes? Then you turn around and it’s years later and you’ve gotten nowhere. You’ve moved to a city away from your family and still haven’t made any solid friendships. But making another huge change feels like it could be ten times worse than staying. Plan your escape now. It may take 10 minutes and it may take 10 years, but if you have a plan and stick to it, you can get what you want.

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Go ahead and keep your house messy, because it is not a reflection of who you are as a person.
You are in fact, barely able to brush your hair in the morning and any attempts to do so should be greatly admired. Your messy house is to be expected and no one should fault you for it. Obviously. Anyone who sees your messy house should feel honored you even let them in to see your castle.

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Know that some people are really hard to forgive & you don’t have to feel bad about that.
The whole world focuses on what a huge relief it is to forgive people and to give up your grudges. And yes, it’s true. You should. But nobody talks about how hard it truly is sometimes. Forgiving yourself for that is the first step. You’re human and you have emotions. Someone hurt you and you don’t have to instantaneously forgive them for being a complete douchebag right when you needed them.

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Get a hobby. It doesn’t even have to be cool.
When I say hobby, I don’t even mean something meaningful or interesting. I’m not asking you to become a hipster. It just needs to be something that you can complete in half a day and feel like you accomplished something. So you can feel proud of yourself for starting something and finishing it. You could try and say you did 4 loads of laundry today and finished them, but we all know you didn’t put that shit away, so it doesn’t count. A project. Something new, creative and different around the house. It almost doesn’t matter what it is, but you might as well do something you want to do. Start a Pinterest board of things you might want to do. (Very funny, you already have 5 boards dedicated to these, right?) – pick a list of the most attainable ones and ditch the ones you’ll never, ever do. Which is most of them. But if you get one done…

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Try not to worry so much about that jerk-of-a-diet this year and your upcoming strict-ass resolutions.
How about you try to be a little more free? If you’re always feeling like a Fatty Fatty 2×4, you’re never going to be able to enjoy this time of year at all. Decide that if your family is stressing you the hell out, you’ll hit the yoga mat to find some peace and quiet in the evenings to zap some of the evil thoughts about your in-laws. Maybe this year’s resolutions will be to explore more ways to cook the things you love and stop thinking of it as a restriction – but more as your freedom. Yes, obviously you’re still going to eat brownies. What are we, saints?

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Be lazy. What other time of year is it totally OK to be utterly freaking lazy?
Hot chocolate, flannel pajamas and slippers.

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Send holiday cards.
I bet you can think of someone that would love to get this in the mail. That ho.
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in the news

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About a year ago, we started a great fundraiser for a play area at a local hospice nearby. It was months of fundraising with card giveaways and passing out flyers. Well, the money actually got raised, and the playground was installed! It’s already bringing happiness and joy to children visiting the hospice center. Thank you so much to everyone who helped make this happen! Above is the newspaper article it was featured in. Enjoy!

New Cards are finally up!

You’re probably wondering why it’s been a while since a bunch of new cards have surfaced around here — and that’s because Colette Paperie has new digs! It’s a huge mess of boxes and dust masks around here, so there hasn’t been a lot of time for designing cards. But alas, during this time I’ve had cards on the brain (always do) and finally brought a bunch of my ideas to fruition. Here are 16 new cards for you! As always, you can buy them on the site in the new section, along with the rest of ’em.

Also!
For a long time, it’s been much too difficult to do international shipping online. But I’m gonna give it another go. To offset the cost of shipping, I’m going to offer a 3-day discount code for anyone international. So pass this along to a friend! Have your international friends email for a 25% off code good through June 18th.

Everyone else? Use code NEWNESS for free shipping this week.

 

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Have a great week!

Keli